Overcoming Holiday Stress for Families: Prioritizing Connection Over Chaos

by LukeAdmin

By Nikki Smith – Maternal child and family nurse practitioner.

Is anyone else feeling the overwhelm of the year coming to a close?

Parties, dinners, graduations, the organisation of trips away, shopping, shopping, shopping. Are your children feeling ‘off track and stressed out?’ Could it be that they’re reflecting the overwhelm and unsettled energy you’re possibly putting out?

I know as a mama I’m having my fair share of ‘moments’ as the holidays rapidly approach, and I know that my children are vibing off that too. We are all so ready for the holidays to begin whilst also being aware that, ‘this too shall pass.’ And it does pass, seemingly more and more quickly as the years go by.

This time of year, is a wrap up of all that has come in the months before (and it’s been a CRAZY couple of months!) while at the same time often an avalanche of chaos, stress and anxiety around the numerous things that we still need to get done, to attend, to buy, to cook, to clean, item after item that needs to be handled and ticked off our many, many holiday ‘to do’ lists. This can create tension within homes, anger around finances being stretched, and anxiety around events with young children.

As parents our fuses often become short. We start getting snappy, and at times impatient. Our stress becomes our children’s stress and before we know it, we’re yelling and growling mean words, were punishing our children and screaming at the top of our lungs, we may even lose what is left of our self control as our fuses become thinner and frayed. What are we achieving by this stress induced mania? Happy holiday vibes? Beautiful family memories?
Can we repair what’s becoming ruptured as we approach the season of ‘joy?’

The holidays are exciting and so magical for children. It’s normal for them to get a little over excited now and then, maybe even a bit cranky and tired too, they may need a bit of extra reconnection and downtime to help them reset and get their behaviour back on track.

Let’s put ourselves in our children’s shoes for a minute, as an adult would you change your behaviour by harsh interactions such as being yelled at?

Adults tend to behave as well as they are treated. So why don’t we expect the same for our children?
Human beings of all ages will tend to operate on this very same principle. We will all behave as well as we are treated. Our response to being treated well is to treat others well in return.

As quoted by Dr Elliot Barker, director of the Canadian Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse, puts it beautifully.
“Children who have their needs met early by loving parents are subjected totally and thoroughly to the most severe form of ‘discipline’ conceivable: they don’t do what you don’t want them to do because they love you so much!”

This holiday season let’s try slowing down a bit to make the time for more rest and reconnection.

Let’s go deeper and look at a couple of strategies we can start putting into place:

  • NO! It’s a strong word Can you look at beginning your day by only using ‘no’ for things that may actually cause harm, look around your home and plan out more of a ‘yes’ home, for example remembering to put the iPad away at night so in the morning your child isn’t asking for it because it’s now out of sight.
  • Choosing your battles Can you look at stopping the ‘don’ts’ for the things that really don’t matter.
  • Rephrasing By rephrasing your commands into invitations for cooperation, such as, ‘Let’s put on some quiet music and take a ten minute rest. Do you want to sit with me here on the couch or have a lie down in your bed while we rest?’ and ‘Let’s all do a five–minute tidy up and see who can pick up the most toys, okay? Ready. Set. Go!’
  • Expectations The next time you feel yourself getting upset about the mess in your little one’s room, take a moment to stop and think, ‘is this battle about me and my expectations of a ‘clean’ house? Is it age appropriate to expect them to do it on their own? Can I help and possibly model to my child how to respect their space by getting down with them and tidying up? And most importantly, does it really matter? Is this a battle worth fighting or can I choose to close the door and come back to this later?

These are just a few simple practical tools that can not only set the tone for a much more joyous home, but it is also the beginning of repairing the rupture before the rupture even takes place.

Personally, I would like to be more conscious of ending 2021 the same way that I would like to start 2022. I choose to align myself and my family with the same values that I would like to begin next year with – Simplicity. Integrity. Love. Friendship. Laughter. Respect. Nature and Connection.

I want to close the year by not rushing into it, by slowing down as the year wraps up, spending time with my family and enjoying even the angst and exhaustion of having an overtired young family because that is us right now and that’s ok.

With time I have realised that this season I will never get back again. One year blurs into the next, and then another year passes, and another. The age of my girls will never be the same again, I also say goodbye to the primary school years for one daughter heading off into High School, I know now that every Christmas holiday is so different from the last.

Next year our daughters will be another year older and it will be different yet again.

So please try to keep this in mind amidst the crazy: Say ‘no’ to whichever social function doesn’t align with you or your family, be mindful of the words that you are using when talking to your children. Enjoy the little and the big moments, the significant ones and the simple. But mostly have gratitude for those moments this year, the moments that you will never get back. Because no matter if those moments were dark or light in nature, they are still your moments. All of those moments that you have created are the reason that you are here now, even if that reason isn’t yet in the light.

And lastly, I’ll leave you with this, as Jan Hunt so succinctly stated, ‘Every child is no less a human being than we are.’ So, let your children have their human moments, too, the good and the bad. Try not to overload, over schedule and overwhelm them with your plans, lists and activities.

After all, it’s their holiday as much as it is yours.

Slow down and let them experience the magic instead of just the mania.

With love and gratitude,
Nikki xx

Nikki Smith, is the founder of The Earthway Approach and mother to 3 beautiful, sensitive, and boisterous little women. Nikki has been a Registered Nurse for the past 12 years with a 4 year hiatus in between so that she could focus on being a mum.  Nikki also has a Postgraduate in Maternal Child and Family Nursing and is currently studying counseling. Nikki has been working and supporting families on the Gold Coast, Northern Rivers and now Central Coast of NSW Australia over the past 5 years. Nikki is also the author of her newly published book ‘Honest Motherhood – Words of comfort and musings into motherhood.’ Nikki’s expertise is in early infancy and toddler behaviour, she is passionate about maternal and infant mental health and well being as well as providing holistic responsive parenting support with a whole family approach. You can find further support, and information on any of Nikki’s current offerings such as 1:1 consultations or upcoming workshops from her socials and website below. FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/TheEarthwayApproach INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/the_earthway_approach/ WEBSITE https://www.earthwayparenting.com.au/

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