{"id":2093,"date":"2021-10-01T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-09-30T20:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?p=2093"},"modified":"2023-09-09T22:44:21","modified_gmt":"2023-09-09T12:44:21","slug":"overcoming-mama-guilt-embracing-parenthood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/overcoming-mama-guilt-embracing-parenthood\/","title":{"rendered":"Overcoming Mama Guilt: Embracing Parenthood’s Rollercoaster"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Nikki Smith<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mama guilt, we ALL experience it!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guilt \u2013 Some mamas say they never live a day without it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We worry. Did we give enough of our time today? Did I feed him well enough? She hardly slept today and yesterday, is she cutting her day sleeps or was it because I met my girlfriend for a coffee?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We feel overstretched by the demands of a busy household, the juggle of work and our kids. Spending time with friends and your partner. There are days where we might think to ourselves \u2018is this it? Is this part of some divine plan to have me feeling like a nervous wreck!?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Motherhood introduces us to so many varied mind states, such extremes of emotions that can feel so unfamiliar and at times disturbing. We will swing from one to the other. Revisiting old wounds, and hurts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We also try to hide all of these feelings due to undulating pressure on ourselves and from our friends and family, society as a whole. Because we are supposed to feel \u2018good\u2019 about being in this place called mamahood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are so quick to judge each other too for feeling all of this and some. Then those mama guilt feelings come up again because we shouldn\u2019t be feeling this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most harshly though, we will judge ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anxiety can creep in ever so slowly, along with feelings of despair and loneliness, boredom and restlessness. All of this along with feelings of more guilt for feeling this way and feeling anything but \u2018blessed.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a parent there are so many \u2018should do\u2019s,\u2019 \u2018I should be more patient\u2019 I should be more organised.\u2019 Often this word tends to activate the disobey button in us & we do exactly what we \u2018should not!\u2019 For example, drinking a glass of wine on a Monday night when we have said to ourselves \u2018Ah I really shouldn\u2019t!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we are tired from all of the \u2018should do\u2019s\u2019 that we \u2018should\u2019 be doing we tend to take it out on our little ones, and we will snap. Instead of thinking to yourself, \u2018I really \u2018should\u2019 have more patience\u2019 perhaps it would be a better alternative to look at the \u2018why\u2019 for your reaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s coming up for you to allow your never ending to do list to create stress and disharmony, therefore taking it out on your child\/ren because you lack in energy??<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is this an opportunity for you to take that 10 minutes out for yourself and STOP the mama guilt and the \u2018I should be doing this list?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because in the end, who is that really benefiting? Yes, your laundry\u2019s done, your dishes are clean, your house is tidy, dinners cooked, and the cars been washed, but could at least one of those \u2018should do\u2019s\u2019 be completed later or even tomorrow?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Could you have taken that opportunity for YOU and then felt better for doing that therefore more able to connect with your little people rather than get short with them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cParents aren\u2019t perfect people. They\u2019re people being perfected.\u201d LR Knost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We as parents need to start dropping the expectations we place on ourselves and open our hearts up as non\u2013 judgementally as possible to whatever is happening for us at that time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because in those moments of sacrifice, when we are always putting our children\u2019s needs before our own. In those sleepless nights and the \u2018trying to keep calm\u2019 throughout a long tumultuous tantrum.  It is when the housework is piling up, the never\u2013ending list of your \u2018Should do\u2019s\u2019 has begun, it is in these moments that we need to be kind to ourselves, we need to show ourselves some self\u2013compassion because we are doing it, and we are amazing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This brings me to Self\u2013Compassion; We have already discussed the fact that we all will likely experience some form of mama guilt on the daily. You may notice though that you\u2019re feeling angst and guilt about the same things day in and day out. Could it be that feeling guilty and letting that \u2018feeling\u2019 in isn\u2019t working for you? Guilt creates so much frustration and self\u2013loathing it is a repetitive attack upon yourself as a human being\u2013 not just as a parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To practice self\u2013compassion is to ultimately encounter oneself\u2013 to look at you and see your own unique daily struggles. Know that they are OK. Take responsibility for your \u2018reactions\u2019 know that it is normal to \u2018react\u2019 to your child\/ren rather than to \u2018respond\u2019 sometimes, apologise for your \u2018reaction,\u2019 try not to take it too personally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This opens up a completely different discussion for me, but it needs to be elaborated upon, so let\u2019s talk briefly about YOUR \u2018reactions.\u2019 In owning your OWN \u2018reactions,\u2019 for example yelling and\/or smacking. Knowing that it is unnecessary to \u2018react\u2019 and so much more empowering to \u2018respond\u2019 (responding may look like you getting down to your little one\u2019s level, or hugging them to then reconnect) to your little one\u2019s behaviour, this is you OWNING your \u2018reaction.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A simple but effective way to OWN your reaction can be as simple as to apologise, to go down to your child\u2019s level and apologise for the way that you reacted. This alone can be incredibly empowering for your child. BUT also empowering for you. This is ultimately about you taking responsibility for your own actions, AND you teaching your child to do the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s an important part of your unique parenting journey learning tools to better handle upset in intense situations, so that you are able to create less tension and a more harmonious home. By doing so it will also allow for a discussion to take place, and ALWAYS create the space for renewed connection, as well as an opportunity for positive role modelling.
Your actions & words as a parent, as an adult, create far more meaning than the \u2018lectures\u2019 and discussions that you will ever have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We ALL feel somewhat guilty for how we have reacted to a situation with our toddler but by staying stuck in your guilt it is like saying \u201cI am all mighty and powerful I make everything turn to chaos all by myself!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, the mistake, the reaction and\/or action that has taken place, is just a small part of your story. It doesn\u2019t define you. Your mistakes are not the definition of who you are as a person. As a parent. Forgive yourself and let it go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your child has come to teach you and allow you to grow as a human being. Parenting will bring you to the core of your ego, always. Our children trigger us because they are ours. \u201cI will be the best parent,\u201d \u201c I will be the best mother,\u201d every time we fall short of these expectations our children then trigger us \u2013 but what our children are really doing is showing us a mirror to our underdeveloped self.\u201d Dr Shefali Tsbary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a mum, no matter where you are on your parenting journey the new reality with your precious child\/ren can make you feel like you are \u2018losing\u2019 yourself. In fact, it is the complete opposite, being a parent gives us the opportunity to find more of ourselves. It can give us a chance to seek out the depth of who we are or who we were, so that we can reach that aspect of ourselves and become MORE of who we are now, more of who we want to become, today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nikki Smith<\/strong>, is the founder of The Earthway Approach and mother to 3 beautiful, sensitive, and boisterous little women. She has been a Registered Nurse for the past 12 years with a 4-year hiatus in between so that she could focus on being a mum. Nikki also has a Postgraduate in Maternal Child and Family Nursing and has been working and supporting families on the Gold Coast, Northern Rivers and now Central Coast of NSW Australia over the past 5 years. She is currently studying counseling and is the author of her newly released book \u2018Honest Motherhood- Words of comfort and musings into motherhood.\u2019 Nikki\u2019s expertise is in early infancy and toddler behaviour, she is passionate about maternal and infant mental health and well-being as well as providing wholistic conscious parenting support with a whole family approach. You can find further inspiration, support and information on her upcoming workshops from her socials and website – https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/the_earthway_approach\/<\/a>
https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheEarthwayApproach\/<\/a>
https:\/\/www.earthwayparenting.com.au\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Nikki Smith Mama guilt, we ALL experience it!! Guilt \u2013 Some mamas say they never live a day without it. We worry. Did we give enough of our time…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2094,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","sync_status":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","castos_file_data":"","podmotor_file_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[35,40],"tags":[116,50],"series":[170],"class_list":["post-2093","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health-wellbeing","category-parenting","tag-article","tag-nikki-smith","series-on-the-coast-families"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/09\/caucasian-tender-mother-baby-are-lying-bed-gently-touches-baby-concept-motherhood-trust-protection-lifestyle-light-toning.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/feed\/podcast\/on-the-coast-families","embedCode":"

Overcoming Mama Guilt: Embracing Parenthood’s Rollercoaster<\/a><\/blockquote>