{"id":2750,"date":"2022-04-01T06:29:00","date_gmt":"2022-03-31T19:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?p=2750"},"modified":"2023-09-09T22:16:19","modified_gmt":"2023-09-09T12:16:19","slug":"conscious-parenting-realities-expectations-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/conscious-parenting-realities-expectations-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Embracing Realities and Softening Expectations: The Journey of Conscious Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Alita Blanchard, Parent Coach<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

New motherhood comes with many expectations, often unspoken but deeply ingrained. Expectations that you must be a \u2018good, happy, calm and present mother\u2019. You will likely have high expectations of yourself, others around you, as well as societal, financial and career expectations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may naturally also wish to be \u2018attached, gentle, peaceful\u2019 in your parenting and many of these qualities
are possible (for some) in the baby stage. You may follow social media pages promoting these philosophies and aspire to \u2018get it right\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet somewhere along the way you will inevitably stumble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want you to know that that\u2019s ok. You are likely doing your best with the tools and resources available to you. And you may also need to soften your expectations \u2013 both on yourself, your baby\/children and others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The realities of the newborn stage<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your baby will cry. And in that first year, this is their primary way of communicating to you that they have needs. Once those needs are met, and they are still needing to cry, it\u2019s ok to surrender and hold them in your arms and let them cry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is actually very healing for babies with their own big feelings. Especially if you had a stressed pregnancy, difficult birth or have a highly sensitive baby, they will have a lot of feelings. Crying is healing when lovingly held and listened to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However sometimes, if you are struggling with your own feelings and are stressed or dysregulated, you may find it hard to listen to their tears. This is very common. This is where I advocate for the importance of having someone to listen to YOUR feelings. We are not meant to do motherhood alone and it\u2019s important to practice speaking your truth to people you feel safe with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The realities of toddler life and beyond<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life can step up a level in intensity when your baby becomes a moving, walking, often frustrated toddler. Toddlers are meant to test boundaries and have big feelings (often called \u2018tantrums\u2019). And yet mothers often feel challenged when their child \u2018isn\u2019t listening\u2019 or \u2018keeps being naughty\u2019 because their high expectations are not being met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of your child\u2019s behaviours are likely normal. No child is \u2018naughty\u2019 or \u2018misbehaved\u2019. All behaviour is a subconscious form of communication. Their behaviour is showing you that they have needs, require support, or need to feel listened to. Again, you will need to notice your high expectations and find a way of surrendering to what is. Building your self compassion muscles. And finding additional support, information, listening time or a place to share truthfully with other parents so that you feel less alone in your experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to \u2018break all the cycles\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the parenting space, there is a lot of focus on being \u2018cycle breakers\u2019 and \u2018healing yourself\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is often related to an awareness that many parents carry childhood wounds and conditioning that doesn\u2019t serve our children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Modern mothers are being asked to build awareness, be respectful, gentle and connected unlike the previous generations before. On top of this, there is awareness that many people carry years of generational patterns and trauma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These messages are important and valid and are part of the work parent coaches support their clients to process. However it can feel impossible to do this work in isolation, in one generation, as one person focused on healing all those patterns, wounds and trauma. So again, you must soften your expectations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Generational patterns play a role in your parenting<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The way you were raised will eventually start having an impact on your own parenting journey. These are your generational patterns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We cannot expect to change our generational patterns overnight. You may have been raised in a family that:<\/p>\n\n\n\n