{"id":4295,"date":"2023-06-01T06:33:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-31T20:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?p=4295"},"modified":"2023-09-06T23:17:59","modified_gmt":"2023-09-06T13:17:59","slug":"embracing-imperfections-mothers-reflection-marriage-therapist-central-coast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/embracing-imperfections-mothers-reflection-marriage-therapist-central-coast\/","title":{"rendered":"Embracing Imperfections: A Mother’s Day Reflection on Parenting and Personal Growth"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Sarah Tolmie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Mums, Happy Mother\u2019s Day. I just want to say from one imperfect mum to another \u2013 I know you\u2019re doing your best. And beyond the picture perfect Mother\u2019s Day images, know that sometimes our best parenting lessons comes from experiencing our failures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember when my new to high school teenager had his first big school project due. The lead up involved many acts of nagging, reminding, threatening to get him started and still, it took till the last weekend to see a flurry of stress and activity arise from him. And even then, he kept stopping and asking for me to help, A.K.A, for me to do it for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His first effort was unceremoniously critiqued by me. It was harsh criticism that came out of my mouth, uncensored, before I had time to put it through the \u2018positive parenting filter\u2019 with a resounding, \u201cNot good enough, not even close, this is a primary school effort, you are in high school now, it needs much more substance\u201d. Ooops. Not my finest hour as a parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to say, I was so worn down and drained by the geeing up and motivating and redirecting him back to focus that I was seriously tempted to just take over and do it for him. Truly, wild horses had to hold me back, and I do confess to pushing him off the computer at one point and taking over by putting content headings and sections in to help him organise the information according to the marking scheme. Yes, yet another hilarious\/tragic parenting moment for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I eventually checked myself and deemed my actions a bit crazed and stopped. Even so, it ultimately became a heavily supervised process, hand holding him the entire way through to see a satisfactory outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seriously, it was so frustrating to watch him want to give up so quickly. It was mildly worrisome too at how I also wanted to give up as I mock prayed to God to save me from this parenting tedium! And there you have it. Like mother like son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The pattern revealed itself to me in all its ancestral glory, and a big Mumma guilt moment, one of many, was reaching a crescendo. \u201cOMG, has he learnt when the going gets tough to give up from me?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It made me reflect on my school career. I loved school. Learning came easy and I was such a swat and a good student. I would always overachieve, at least academically. I couldn\u2019t understand my son. I knew he could do it; he knew the subject; why didn\u2019t he just take my guidance and do it? It seemed a rude lesson that my son was not me! How many times do I need to be reminded of this? How many times have I lamented how much easier it would be if he just did what I said and agreed with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I really wanted him to succeed. I didn\u2019t want him to experience the obvious embarrassment he would feel for such a thin effort once his teacher marked it or he saw what his fellow students handed in, but to rush in and rescue him, really wasn\u2019t going to help him at all. Was I worried about how it reflected on me? Maybe this was a bigger deal for me than for him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a tough balance we walk as parents. We need to allow our children to forge their own pathways and to make their own mistakes, and yet we must guide them and help them too. We need to work out when to step in and be the adult. Sometimes we get it wrong, we step in too early because we want to protect them and present them to the world in their best light, but is that more for us than them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a person, and as a mother, some of my best lessons and truest self\u2013realisations have come from my biggest failures and humiliations \u2013 this one included. I don\u2019t regret them. I reflect and learn from them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe this is the best modelling we can do for our kids \u2013 showing self reflection; seeking personal insights; learning self\u2013acceptance and continually evolving towards our best. We may never reach that destination of perfected best, rather it is about accepting each moment, the good and not so good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Much love, Sarah<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sarah Tolmie \u2013 Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end\u2013of\u2013life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love \u2013 at end\u2013of\u2013life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a series of online courses \u2013 \u201cCreating a Miracle Marriage. Online Course for Couples\u201d and \u201cHow do you feel? Using the intelligence of our emotions to heal and be whole in Life & Love and \u201cLandscapes of Life & Love and Loss. Traversing the pathways of dying, death and grief\u201d. To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Sarah Tolmie Dear Mums, Happy Mother\u2019s Day. I just want to say from one imperfect mum to another \u2013 I know you\u2019re doing your best. And beyond the picture…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4296,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","sync_status":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","castos_file_data":"","podmotor_file_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[113,35],"tags":[116,46],"series":[170],"class_list":["post-4295","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-families","category-health-wellbeing","tag-article","tag-sarah-tolmie","series-on-the-coast-families"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2023\/04\/overachieving-mum.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/feed\/podcast\/on-the-coast-families","embedCode":"

Embracing Imperfections: A Mother’s Day Reflection on Parenting and Personal Growth<\/a><\/blockquote>