{"id":4558,"date":"2023-08-01T06:07:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-31T20:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?p=4558"},"modified":"2023-09-06T15:25:19","modified_gmt":"2023-09-06T05:25:19","slug":"emotional-safety-for-children-understanding-and-connection-parent-coach-central-coast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/emotional-safety-for-children-understanding-and-connection-parent-coach-central-coast\/","title":{"rendered":"Creating Emotional Safety for Children: Understanding Behavior and Building Connections"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>By Alita Blanchard, Parent Coach<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Children need to feel emotionally safe, seen and soothed to feel secure. It seems obvious that this is what we want to provide for our children but it can get tricky when our children cry, tantrum, hit, scream, whinge, meltdown or become aggressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Build your ability to regulate your emotions<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you are more regulated in your nervous system, you have more capacity to be present with your children to help them feel safe, connected and be able to co\u2013regulate with them. Especially when their behaviours are intense or tricky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You will likely need daily nervous system care practices that help you to ground, soften, be present and to build pathways in your brain so you can access your own regulation. This often starts with education first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Some foundations of building nervous system regulation<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Awareness and information \u2013 child development, brain, feelings, needs, triggers<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Education on the nervous system<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Practice the pause daily (mindful awareness)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Listening time to feel heard and seen<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Somatic tools \u2013 breath, tapping, touch<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sensory calming tools \u2013 cold, crunchy, movement, pressure, deep pressure<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Co\u2013regulation with other empathic adults \u2013 safe friend, therapist, coach<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sharing our truth \/ vulnerability<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Self compassion \u2013 \u201cI am good enough!\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>These together can help to bring access to more felt safety!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Look after yourself so you can look after your children \u2013 you matter!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It seems obvious but it\u2019s easy to let our own needs go unmet in motherhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Eat good nutritious food and drink lots of water<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Move your body \u2013 slow and simple is fine, stretch, jump, dance, shake<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Make yourself your favourite hot drink \u2013 use this a ritual to slow down<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Write down your feelings and needs \u2013 \u201cI am feeling\u2026.I am needing\u2026.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Ask for help \u2013 you must learn to do this<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Nature time everyday \u2013 micro moments.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Practice awareness and be curious<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Pay attention to what is happening in your body \u2013 notice sensations, name your feelings and express what it is you need<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Notice your children\u2019s behaviour and get curious about their possible feelings and unmet needs<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Practice active listening with your child. Aim to be fully present with them at least once daily<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Build your compassion for your child by being aware of their unmet needs.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Be aware of sensitive nervous systems<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Children with highly sensitive nervous systems may not thrive with lots of people, lots of activities and too much sugar and adventure. Slow life down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Snacks can help children to regulate when you don\u2019t have much capacity<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some days you will feel tapped out, exhausted, overwhelmed, tired, sad or depressed. Sensory calming snacks can help your kids regulate when you aren\u2019t overly present with their feelings.<br>Examples \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Cold icy drinks<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Crunchy snacks<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Chewy snacks<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Cold snacks.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Notice your tone and body language<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Tone and body language can be perceived as a threat and continue dysregulation of a child<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Avoid sarcasm<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Always repair any ruptures when you have yelled, shamed or used fear \/threats<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Try not to cross your arms or put hands on your hips when connecting with your child<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Be approachable \u2013 when you child says \u201cI want to play\u201d they really mean \u201cI need your connection and safety\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Lots of play everyday<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every child needs lots of fun, play and silliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Play games \u2013 chase, tip, hide and seek, run crash, grizzly bears, magic wand<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Get involved and play \u2013 even 5 to 10 minutes can be a game changer<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sing and dance a LOT. BE SILLY AND FUN. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>See under the behaviour<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Almost all behaviour is a child\u2019s communication of an unmet need for safety or attempt to regulate. Ask yourself \u2013 what is my child showing me with their behaviour? What is the feeling? What is the need?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Do not personalise your child\u2019s behaviour<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you make all your childs behaviours your fault, you will suffer. Children are messy and defiant, they rage and hit, or they are anxious and shut down, and they cry and wail and make messes and throw and hurt the baby. None of it is easy. Most of it makes sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Focus on softening, slowing down, compassion and loving them as they already are. Teach limits through connection when you are all calm. Many hundreds of times over. Aim to be their one safest person in the whole world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Sign up for the monthly Aware Mama email and receive a free ebook to support you towards more Radical Self Care in your everyday motherhood.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Alita Blanchard<\/strong> \u2013 The Aware Mama Alita is a mother of 4 young boys (including a stillborn son Remy) on the NSW Central Coast of Australia. She is a Conscious Parent Coach trained by Jai Institute of Parenting, Women\u2019s Circle and Rites of Passage facilitator. She provides mothers circles, events and parenting support sessions. Alita is passionate about creating a safe space for mothers to feel heard and seen in the intensity of their motherhood journey and support them on their most important growth journey. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theawaremama.com.au\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">www.theawaremama.com.au<\/a> \/ Socials: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/alitablanchard_parentcoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">@alitablanchard_parentcoach<\/a> Email alitablanchard@gmail.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Alita Blanchard, Parent Coach Children need to feel emotionally safe, seen and soothed to feel secure. It seems obvious that this is what we want to provide for our&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","sync_status":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","castos_file_data":"","podmotor_file_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[113,35,40],"tags":[107,116],"series":[170],"class_list":["post-4558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-families","category-health-wellbeing","category-parenting","tag-alita-blanchard","tag-article","series-on-the-coast-families"],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/feed\/podcast\/on-the-coast-families","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"6LjIXLsKpY\"><a href=\"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/emotional-safety-for-children-understanding-and-connection-parent-coach-central-coast\/\">Creating Emotional Safety for Children: Understanding Behavior and Building Connections<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/emotional-safety-for-children-understanding-and-connection-parent-coach-central-coast\/embed\/#?secret=6LjIXLsKpY\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Creating Emotional Safety for Children: Understanding Behavior and Building Connections&#8221; &#8212; On The Coast Families\" data-secret=\"6LjIXLsKpY\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script type=\"text\/javascript\">\n\/* <![CDATA[ *\/\n\/*! 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