{"id":6224,"date":"2023-12-01T06:31:00","date_gmt":"2023-11-30T19:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?p=6224"},"modified":"2023-10-23T00:37:28","modified_gmt":"2023-10-22T13:37:28","slug":"navigating-grief-supporting-family-through-child-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/navigating-grief-supporting-family-through-child-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Navigating Grief: Supporting a Family through the Tragic Loss of a Child"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Sarah Tolmie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Reader Question:
<\/strong>\u201cThe unthinkable has happened in our family. My sister lost her little boy in an accident on their property. He was only seven years old. He had younger and older siblings ranging from 2\u201319years of age. Our family is reeling in shock, devastation, and grief. How on earth do we support his parents and siblings. It feels like this pain will never end\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dearly Beloved<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart is sad and heavy to hear this tragedy has happened to your family. The loss of a child is an unfathomable experience that defies natural order and offends our belief in the way life should be. We should not ever have to outlive our children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately, our western cultural practices around death and dying don\u2019t offer a lot to support families and communities when a child dies \u2013 there is weird assumption and denial that it just doesn\u2019t happen. Unfortunately, as your family now knows, it does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not only do I face this in my professional sphere working in my holistic deathcare practice, but I too have been adjacent to dear friends and family who have experienced infant and child loss. I can\u2019t lie, it is a really hard task supporting a family in grief and many people find it too hard to do, and hard to sustain over a long time. I am sorry to say, it will be a long time. A lifetime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What you are facing is a breadth and depth and diversity of grief. Everyone will experience it potentially very differently. From sibling to sibling, parent to parent, there will be differences with each age and personality. I am sure, beyond first shock and trauma, your family will be in great anguish and deep grief that will come in waves and cycles over a lifetime, and even carries forward a legacy into generations to come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The essential thing to do is stay in the conversation. Stay present and notice the ever\u2013changing landscape. This is an ongoing conversation. Kids and the family around them will continue to process a death and grieve as they continue to develop. Children \u2018grow with grief\u2019 \u2013 their understandings of death and concepts of grieving will evolve over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes time does not gentle the grief. As time stretches away from the death date, and as siblings grow and meet new milestones, as well as the passing of age milestones of their little brother he will never get to do, the grief can amplify and accentuate at certain times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children will follow the culture and examples around them. Create a climate within your family where you can discuss and express emotions and feelings. All emotions are normal. Sometimes grief can manifest in physical symptoms. Allow it to be normal to share \u2018how\u2019 your grieving is going. Continue to speak of your lovely nephew. Include the family in events and celebrations. Be ready to have honest conversations. Share information truthfully but age sensitively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a healthy and natural threshold for the presentation of grief and trauma and then there can be times things could amplify more acutely. It is worth monitoring the grief behaviours \u2013 noting frequency, duration and intensity \u2013 and whether additional support might be needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some changes to look out for include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n