Reader Question:
“In a couple of months’ time I will be retiring from working life. Other than a holiday to mark the transition the month after I finish, and later plans for some travel, I am now getting nervous about all the free time available to me. I actually think my wife is a bit anxious about having me around too much. I’m not a golfer either. Got some tips?”
Dearly Beloved
A wise one once said to me, ‘you must plan for your career after retirement’. It’s a great mindset to have. Ending your paid working life does not necessarily mean the end of your contribution to your community. It does not mean the end of productivity, learning and new endeavours. It is just the beginning.
I’ve always been a worker myself, and the art of taking holidays and travelling for travelling sakes has always seemed a bit weird and indulgent to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love and value pleasure, rest and new experiences, however there is always a niggle in the back of my mind, ‘apart from boosting a local economy, how is this bettering the world…what do I do with this experience?” So maybe, travel is not enough of a plan to fulfil you either.
There is so much talk about how we must plan for our financial future, superannuation and retirement funds, but what kind of retiree do you plan to be in your body, mind and soul? When does that conversation get to happen?
What are your plans for continued learning and contributing to society and community life? How will you actively manage your health and wellbeing? What pathway will your spiritual development take? What sort of grandparent do you intend to be? Will you assume a leadership role in your family/community? Maybe there is a new skill you might want to learn? Maybe there is something you can teach? Could you be a mentor to younger people?
There are so many organisations that offer an exciting world of learning, activity and community. University of the third age (U3A), Probus, Rotary, Arts organisations, Clubs and many community volunteering hubs. It is never too late to pick up an activity, sport or craft.
As long as we are living and loving we can evolve, grow and transform. It is about setting intentions, making a decision, creating a discipline to lean into something new. Make a promise to yourself to commit to something that takes you out of your comfort zone.
Also, as a relationship coach, it would be remiss of me not to point out the opportunity to renew and deepen your relationship with your wife. The fact that you have picked up on her having some nerves about your increased spare time tells me there is an important conversation to be had which may include a renegotiation on roles, responsibilities and how to divide your time together and apart.
There is delicious harvest to be reaped by couples who make it into their retirement together. It can be a time of rich relationship revival. The key is to not take each other for granted. Trust there is more to learn and love about each other. There is still more mystery and surprise to generate together. Find a passion you can share.
Discuss these questions together and actively imagine and create a new model for retiring you can be excited to embark on. I am excited for you both!
Much love,
Sarah x
Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end–of–life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love – at end–of–life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called “Creating a Miracle Marriage” and a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called “Landscapes of Life & Love and Loss”. To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au.