{"id":1981,"date":"2021-11-01T11:15:00","date_gmt":"2021-11-01T00:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/?p=1981"},"modified":"2023-09-04T22:13:05","modified_gmt":"2023-09-04T12:13:05","slug":"navigating-close-connection-during-lockdown-balancing-mental-health-social-perceptions-marriage-therapist-coach-central-coast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/navigating-close-connection-during-lockdown-balancing-mental-health-social-perceptions-marriage-therapist-coach-central-coast\/","title":{"rendered":"Matters of life & love – Navigating a Close Connection During Lockdown: Balancing Mental Health and Social Perceptions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\n

Reader Question:
\u201cI am a single female and I live in an over 55\u2019s residence. Without family living nearby, during lock down my single male neighbour and I organised ourselves into a singles bubble. We sometimes share dinner or meet to do crosswords, we go for walks and will have our afternoon cup of tea together. It\u2019s been lovely to have real human contact and we both feel the mental health benefits from the arrangement but I worry about what the other residents may say and I do worry that when things lift, how to return back to normal?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dearly Beloved<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Looking after your physical well being and mental health is THE priority during these extraordinary times. I am so glad you and your neighbour have found such a beneficial arrangement to suit you both so well. These are not just extraordinary times, this is a situation in our recent history where we don\u2019t have a play book to follow to know what we \u2018should\u2019 do or what the \u2018usual\u2019 protocols are. We are all \u201cbuilding the plane as it flies\u201d. So whatever solution keeps you safe and sane and doesn\u2019t hurt anybody is a great outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I appreciate that living in a closed community residence, you may feel the gaze of others more acutely, but I also believe in adopting the mantra of assuming the best in others. We can often go down a negative self-talk rabbit hole worrying about what others think about us and it usually is futile energy wasted. I bet that if they are thinking about you, it probably doesn\u2019t remotely match your worst thoughts. When I used to work in corporate and community communications, the best approach to managing misinformation or rumours is to bravely address things from the front foot and transparently share your fears about what people are thinking and communicate your truth. In PR, we used to call this \u2018killing the story before it ran\u2019. Identifying each other as your bubble buddy might even inspire and help others to adopt something similar that will help them too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As to how to return back to normal \u2013 gosh \u2013 aren\u2019t we all worrying about that!? How will it all look on the other side of Covid, lock downs and vaccination drives? In my relationship therapy work, when I work with couples to restore relationships, we never frame things in the language of \u2018returning back to how things were\u2019. Life and love just doesn\u2019t work that way. Relationships don\u2019t go backwards. We have to create into the unfolding new space anew. There is only one direction life and love takes, and that is moving forwards, taking in the changes and evolutions and building on what has already passed. Expect that everything may need to be up for re-evaluation, reassessment and recalibration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wonder if in this time of \u2018bubbling\u2019 you will develop a closer relationship with your neighbour and inevitably find a deeper sense of intimacy with your connection? Times of intensity and crisis can do this. If this occurs, maybe you will be able to find a way to authentically discuss how your friendship has evolved and how you both might consciously navigate its evolution moving forwards. Have trust you will both will be able to lean into the real conversations you may want to have about redefining your own time and space again and re-integrating family and other friends and commitments into your life. For now, I invite you to enjoy the delights of friendship and the support you can offer each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Much love
Sarah x<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sarah Tolmie<\/strong> \u2013 Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end-of-life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love – at end-of-life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called \u201cCreating a Miracle Marriage\u201d and a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called \u201cLandscapes of Life & Love and Loss\u201d.
To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Reader Question:\u201cI am a single female and I live in an over 55\u2019s residence. Without family living nearby, during lock down my single male neighbour and I organised ourselves into…","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1984,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[75,44],"series":[115],"class_list":["post-1981","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health-wellbeing","tag-article","tag-sarah-tolmie","series-coffee-with-a-coastie"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2021\/09\/rear-view-two-white-haired-senior-people-walking-happy-enjoying-their-retirement-beach-vacation-serene-love-couple-sunset.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/feed\/podcast\/coffee-with-a-coastie","embedCode":"

Matters of life & love – Navigating a Close Connection During Lockdown: Balancing Mental Health and Social Perceptions<\/a><\/blockquote>