{"id":7406,"date":"2024-03-01T06:08:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-29T19:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/?p=7406"},"modified":"2024-02-02T00:09:30","modified_gmt":"2024-02-01T13:09:30","slug":"dealing-mixed-emotions-soon-to-be-grandmother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/dealing-mixed-emotions-soon-to-be-grandmother\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Mixed Emotions as a Soon-to-Be Grandmother: A Therapist’s Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Sarah Tolmie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Reader Question<\/strong>: \u201cI\u2019m going to be a grandmother in April 2024. I\u2019m still in my 50\u2019s. I feel young and finally free of intensive parenting duties with my kids only now just adults. I must admit \u2013 I feel a bit cheated. I wanted to have some time free to myself before being enrolled into grandparenting. How do I hide my annoyance and get enthusiastic? And I don\u2019t want to be called grandma, nanny, nan or gran! How do I approach this?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dearly Beloved<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hear you \u2018sister\u2019!!!! Whilst I have children who are \u2018technically\u2019 adults now, I also feel too young and not ready to share my new\u2013found middle\u2013aged freedom with grand kids yet. Or at least, that is what one \u2018part\u2019 of my brain thinks. Another part goes completely \u2018mush\u2019 at babies. I love them so much and rarely get access to fresh ones, so when I do, it is completely delightful and heavenly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Middle\u2013age freedom is heavenly too though, isn\u2019t it?! My husband and I are three years into child\u2013free time and it is fantastic. It\u2019s like being teenagers again but with some money and no one telling you what you must do and no assignments due! It\u2019s amazing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We go to gigs, take mid\u2013week evening classes and go away for weekends. All that, and we can leave the dog and house for adult child to look after. And he pays rent! It\u2019s a revelation. I now get why we had kids\u2026finally all the hard work hits pay day. (Oh, and they are great humans who fill our world with love and meaning too\u2026of course!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think you are allowed to feel cheated and not feel guilty about it. It\u2019s a feeling. Honour it and be witness to its message to you. Your feelings are just looking after you. Find out what it is telling you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe it is there to ensure you consider and balance your needs and desires with any duty and\/or requests for help and your time and your energy. It is asking of you to check your resources and capacity \u2013 like a light going off on the dashboard making sure you check the oil so you can run smoothly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In couple or relationship therapy, I talk about magic ampersand\u2019 \u2013 the word AND \u2013 and how it allows for multiple realities, experiences, feelings and truths. The magic ampersand (&) offers more choice and flexibility than saying \u201cBUT\u201d. You can have your feeling & it doesn\u2019t have to be the only truth going on. You can feel cheated, AND worried, AND excited, AND delighted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our feelings are our internal GPS continually auto\u2013correcting and recalibrating with each new location point in life, keeping us on track. And here\u2019s the amazing thing\u2026you get to set the direction or the coordinates for where you want to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AND, guess what?! That is also what your adult child is doing \u2013 owning his\/her own life and making their own choices and doing their thing. They are in their own life vehicle and setting their own direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are now moving into a new relationship with your child, their partner and your soon\u2013to\u2013be grandchild. This is just a new \u2018iteration\u2019 of the relationship evolution to navigate. Like every relationship before and to come, you need to share your feelings, needs and wants and also take others into consideration and care too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An arriving grandchild may alter the upcoming landscape ahead \u2013 AND \u2013 you are still in the driver\u2019s seat. It is how you navigate through this \u2013 deciding on what you want and what is important to you. When you add the magic ampersand into your thinking \u2013 you can be a young AND free grandma \u2013 AND \u2013 you can even choose your own grandma name. Just make one up!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, when the time comes, I\u2019ve already decided on my \u2018nanna name\u2019 and it is not nanna. My close family call me Sarzi \u2013 so I think for the new family members to come we can just stick to that. Sarzi. (A part of me can\u2019t wait)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Enjoy the delights ahead and welcome the new life, new love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Much love,
Sarah x<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sarah Tolmie<\/strong> \u2013 Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end\u2013of\u2013life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love \u2013 at end\u2013of\u2013life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a series of online courses \u2013 \u201cCreating a Miracle Marriage. Online Course for Couples\u201d and \u201cHow do you feel? Using the intelligence of our emotions to heal and be whole in Life & Love and \u201cLandscapes of Life & Love and Loss. Traversing the pathways of dying, death and grief\u201d. To find out more, visit
sarahtolmie.com.au<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"By Sarah Tolmie Reader Question: \u201cI\u2019m going to be a grandmother in April 2024. I\u2019m still in my 50\u2019s. I feel young and finally free of intensive parenting duties with…","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7407,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[47,39],"tags":[75,44],"series":[115],"class_list":["post-7406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-lifestyle","tag-article","tag-sarah-tolmie","series-coffee-with-a-coastie"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/02\/mother-holding-baby-mothers-day.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/feed\/podcast\/coffee-with-a-coastie","embedCode":"

Dealing with Mixed Emotions as a Soon-to-Be Grandmother: A Therapist’s Perspective<\/a><\/blockquote>