{"id":7635,"date":"2024-05-01T06:10:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-30T20:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/?p=7635"},"modified":"2024-04-03T23:17:01","modified_gmt":"2024-04-03T12:17:01","slug":"central-coast-downsizing-family-transition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/central-coast-downsizing-family-transition\/","title":{"rendered":"Downsizing Your Central Coast Home: A Family Journey, Not Farewell"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

by sarah tolmie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Reader Question:<\/strong> \u201cWe are planning downsizing our large family home as we enter our \u2018third\u2013age\u2019. The task feels overwhelming but we know it is the right decision. However our kids, who are all adults living out of home currently, are disappointed. They love knowing home is always there for them. They love leaving their stuff here between moves and travels. It feels like we are abandoning them. How do I get peace with this and their blessing. And their HELP to get it all done too!?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dearly Beloved<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK. I am going to deliver some hard truth bombs with all my love and compassion and well\u2013meaning encouragement. Yes! Yes, yes, you may indeed be disappointing them and abandoning them, and, they will get over it. And, they will help you, you just need to ask and plan it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, that will be their first reaction and instinct \u2013 to think, \u2018what about me?\u201d Bless them! Remember yourself as a young adult and understand that perspective has been their only orientation in life until now, being the recipient and beneficiaries of all your care, effort and energy. They\u2019ll come around because they love and care for you too and your wellbeing and happiness is within their capacity to embrace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I see what you are facing as a rite of passage. Our journey through life and love will passage us through many changes and evolvings. In the study of cultures and society (Social Anthropology), there are many clear and identified rites of passage \u2013 birth, menarche, adolescent initiation into adulthood, marriage and death are some obvious ones \u2013 and there are less obvious ones, which still follow a similar and essential role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rites of passage signify and support TRANSFORMATION. What all \u2018rites of passage\u2019 have in common is their task to move us from one state of being to another. They usher and passage us through hard\/important\/significant and\/or unavoidable periods of change and challenge in our life. They may have formalised stages, challenges, activities (even ordeals) and also many rituals. Often ending in celebration and re\u2013integration you\u2019ve achieved arriving at your new life status. This may be one of them, and not just for you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rites of passage provide support and guidance and enable your continued connection as part of family and community. They mark endings and beginnings \u2013 completions and renewals \u2013 for all involved. Once a rite of passage is enacted, it cannot be reversed or undone. You cannot return to how you were. All are changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are entering a new stage of life \u2013 moving into your \u2018third\u2013age\u2019. Literally moving too. The ordeal of downsizing has many stages \u2013 curating your stuff; closing down of one home; selling, moving, buying; and entering all the other new beginnings. It is asking of not only you \u2013 but all the family around you \u2013 to re\u2013orient to this change in status, place and way of life. It is not meant to be easy, but it is important and necessary. And it is good!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is also sounds like it is the time for your adult kids to make passage into a new independence and maturity. Their participation in the \u2018discomfort\u2019 that this change will demand of them and its effect on their life, choices and pathways, is also essential. This too, will evolve them into a new age and stage and set of capacities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Small confession \u2013 my husband and I are also on a similar trajectory. Our plan is to downsize in the next 12\u201318 months. Son no.2 who is still at home has plenty of warning. I honour the overwhelm it can present and also share in the glimmer of \u2018newness and next\u2019 that is exciting and freeing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing we are doing \u2013 which feels like an ordeal (but a good one) is starting a \u2018slow lava flow\u2019 from one end of the house to the other of \u2018Swedish Death Cleaning\u2019. We are tackling a room at a time for deep cleaning and excavating of stuff. We have not just our sons but a community collective to call upon for help because so many of our peers are in the same boat and we are all helping each other. Call on your \u2018gang\u2019 to lend a hand. That\u2019s what community is about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And all good rites of passage end in celebrations and ceremonies. Be that an end\u2013of\u2013home farewell or party or even a bonfire! And a welcome to the neighbourhood, house warming, celebration of new life shindig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wish you well. It will be fantastic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Much love
Sarah x<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sarah Tolmie \u2013 Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end\u2013of\u2013life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love \u2013 at end\u2013of\u2013life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a series of online courses \u2013 \u201cCreating a Miracle Marriage. Online Course for Couples\u201d and \u201cHow do you feel? Using the intelligence of our emotions to heal and be whole in Life & Love and \u201cLandscapes of Life & Love and Loss. Traversing the pathways of dying, death and grief\u201d. To find out more, visit sarahtolmie.com.au<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"by sarah tolmie Reader Question: \u201cWe are planning downsizing our large family home as we enter our \u2018third\u2013age\u2019. The task feels overwhelming but we know it is the right decision.…","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7638,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[47,39],"tags":[75,44],"series":[115],"class_list":["post-7635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-lifestyle","tag-article","tag-sarah-tolmie","series-coffee-with-a-coastie"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/04\/real-state-concept-ai-generative-1.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/feed\/podcast\/coffee-with-a-coastie","embedCode":"

Downsizing Your Central Coast Home: A Family Journey, Not Farewell<\/a><\/blockquote>