{"id":8277,"date":"2024-11-07T15:04:40","date_gmt":"2024-11-07T04:04:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/?p=8277"},"modified":"2024-10-09T15:17:44","modified_gmt":"2024-10-09T04:17:44","slug":"supporting-transgender-grandchild-navigating-gender-transition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/supporting-transgender-grandchild-navigating-gender-transition\/","title":{"rendered":"Matters of Life & Love: Navigating Gender Transition with Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

by sarah tolmie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Reader Question: <\/strong>\u201cWe have just been informed by our son that our grandson who is 13 now \u2018identifies\u2019 as a girl. They are formally looking into medically transitioning his gender. They have requested we refer to him as her\/she and she has already taken a different name. This is completely new and scary for us, and we don\u2019t understand. We are afraid we will do it wrong. We are afraid for our grandchild and the family. Looking for some advice and resources.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dearly Beloved<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a cis, heterosexual, white, middle class, middle\u2013aged woman; a woman born on Gadigal country and now living on Darkinjung country; a child of saltwater and sand; born under the sun sign of Libra and the year of the Metal Pig; a mother of sons and lover of 80s rock\/pop anthems; I can only answer this question as someone who is wholehearted an ally of the LGBTQIA+ community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t have lived experience of being a minority, but I do have some experience of being discriminated as a woman; and judged as a curvy gal in an \u201cElle McPherson\u201d beach culture (it was the 80\u2019s!); and excluded from elite and privileged circles. Also, I do know what it is like to be bullied and the pain of trying so very hard to fit in before embarking on my own long journey towards self\u2013acceptance and feeling strong and safe to live into my authenticity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is nothing more empowering than knowing who you are and being free to live into your \u2018self\u2019 and explore your gifts with acceptance, freedom and permission of expression. What you say after \u201cI am\u2026..\u201d determines\u2026.everything! That journey to inhabit my authentic self has taken only about 5 decades to feel mostly fully free to be me. The deep contentment and peace of knowing and being my \u201cI am me\u201d, in all my identifications; and to be able to live my life freely as \u2018me\u2019, is something that should be the right of everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fact that your grandchild at age 13 yrs has been so brave and clear about who she is and has asked her family to help her embark on her lifetime journey to becoming who she is, is just about the most beautiful invitation in the world. To live an authentic life and to be loved for who you are by the people you love\u2026.is everything! What a privilege to participate in something so important and special and meaningful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your fear for your grandchild does come from a legitimate place. The wellbeing risks experienced by the LGBTQIA+ community are real. The statistics for suicide, bullying, violence, abuse, discrimination and mental health challenges are disproportionate. The prevention and healing of this current reality comes from building safe communities through education; continuing to increase representation; and families embracing diversity with joy, celebration and love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the amazing legacies created by the brave courageous people of the rainbow community \u2013 led by LGBTQIA+ Mardi Gras elders and originals the past 50 years \u2013 is the pioneering foundations they laid down with the pride movement. A movement, described by Amnesty International as \u201ca rebellion of authenticity \u2013 to stand unapologetically as the people we are, and as the community we make. To feel joy in the lives we lead and share them with the people we love \u2013 and who love us.\u201d \u2013Amnesty Int.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take pride in your grandchild and bless their path with love, acceptance, inclusion, respect and empathy. Use their preferred pronouns and chosen name; and if you make a mistake or slip up, offer a meaningful apology and try again. Ultimately you can\u2019t do it wrong if your intention is to be part of the transformation and let love lead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take a leadership role in your family to find out as much as you can to understand her world and her journey; and learn how you can be a safe ally and support. There are so many fantastic resources, community groups and trainings. One great place to start is www.rainbowfamilies.com.au<\/a>. And then be an ambassador for her future by taking it even further and modelling and teaching as many other people as possible how to embrace and include all colours of the rainbow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am so delighted for you and your family and your grandchild. Life and love was not mean to be monochrome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Much love, Sarah x<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sarah Tolmie \u2013 Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end\u2013of\u2013life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love \u2013 at end\u2013of\u2013life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called \u201cCreating a Miracle Marriage\u201d and a guide to working with feelings and emotions called \u201cHow Do You Feel?\u201d; plus a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called \u201cLandscapes of Life & Love and Loss\u201d. To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"by sarah tolmie Reader Question: \u201cWe have just been informed by our son that our grandson who is 13 now \u2018identifies\u2019 as a girl. They are formally looking into medically…","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8278,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[47],"tags":[75,44],"series":[],"class_list":["post-8277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","tag-article","tag-sarah-tolmie"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/10\/love-inscription-made-small-paper-rainbows.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastover55\/feed\/podcast\/coffee-with-a-coastie","embedCode":"

Matters of Life & Love: Navigating Gender Transition with Love<\/a><\/blockquote>