Listen to the full interview here
Welcome to Coffee with a Coastie. I was grateful to sit down and chat with Central Coast local Tanya Green. Tanya is on a mission to help women and couples going through fertility treatments, though has had quite the journey to get there. From being told by medical professionals at the age of 16 that she’ll likely never have children, to having children in her 20s, only then to find herself undergoing fertility treatments later in life. This journey has fuelled her purpose to create the fertility wellness brand Ivy Dayz, to help others undergoing fertility treatments.
A big part of why I do these podcasts is in the hope that a message gets shared that helps someone. So, if you don’t mind, would you share how you dealt with being told at 16 that you would likely never be able to have children and what you learned from that experience that could help someone else going through a similar experience at such a young age?
I had gone a couple of years of having my period before saying things weren’t quite right to my mum. I was in a lot of pain and heavy cycles. I’m very thankful she took the information I gave her at such a young age and got me medical attention. I had an ultrasound, and they discovered that I had two uteruses. This was in 1996 or 97, I was about 16 years old. I then saw a gynaecologist, but he didn’t believe what the sonographer saw. So, we went and saw another one. I had my first surgery when I was around 17, and that’s when they confirmed that I had a double uterus.
I think I was too young to understand what was happening and the magnitude of it all. However, I was lucky that I had a mum that took action. So, I think what I would say to anyone who was reading this at a young age is to listen to your body and to advocate for yourself. It can be hard as a young teenager, but that would be my main piece of advice.
You have shared that against the odds, you ended up having children in your 20s and that it wasn’t until later in life that you were faced with infertility. How has this dual experience shaped your perspective on children and infertility?
For me, my infertility was known in terms of the fact that I actively took part in becoming infertile. After my third baby was born, due to my complex gynaecological history and lots of surgeries, we assumed at the time that it wouldn’t be safe for me to get pregnant again. So, I decided to have my tubes tied at the age of 25.
Subsequently, getting remarried and wanting to have another baby with my husband, I still thought that my eggs would be okay and everything would still work despite coming into my mid–thirties and having my tubes tied. That wasn’t the case at all. Instead, what I’ve realised now is that I’m even more grateful for my children. I think if I waited and even had my tubes, what I’ve identified, after going through six cycles of IVF, is that I likely would never have been able to have a baby anyway. So, it makes me more appreciative of what I do have.
I’m also realising going on this journey and being in the space a lot more that we need to protect our fertility. Our bodies are designed to have babies in our 20s or early 30s. Really in our 20s, in my opinion, and I think looking back now, having gone through this dual experience of being a young mum and then trying to get pregnant in my late 30s and early 40s, is just how important a woman’s fertility period is. But we often go off and live our lives waiting for everything to be lined up. Do we have the house? Have we had other experiences? Do we have a good job? We want things to be lined up so that, essentially, we can support a family better. But fertility doesn’t wait, especially for females. It’s not waiting for all of those things to happen. And being in this space now supporting women in their fertility wellness, it’s prevalent that we’re delaying having children for lots of reasons, which is quite okay, but you’re taking a risk. I see now how special your fertility is. I think protecting your fertility is so important and that it’s an area that’s not often discussed.
What motivated you to openly share your personal infertility journey on your blog ‘The Naked Wife’?
Well, the blog has probably only been live for a year to 18 months. I created it but never published it. I would either journal in a book or I would type into the website. For me, it was really therapeutic to get my thoughts out and onto paper or the blog.
I had always thought I would share my journey in the hope that it would help people. I was hopeful when I started it that I would end up having my happy ending and I would be able to share all the tips and steps I took to get there, though that didn’t happen. But I’m proud of my words, I’m proud of my life, I’m proud of my story and my history, so I’ll just put it out there, and if anyone can pick something up from it, then that’s worth it to me.
As painful as your journey has been at times, I read the following line on our blog: ‘I could not be more thankful for the challenges thrown my way. Why? Because my mess is becoming my message’. Your message now is no doubt Ivy Dayz, and to help other women going through IVF. Can you recall the moment you knew you wanted to create something to help other women going through IVF?
My first thinking of Ivy Dayz came after my first IVF cycle, which we did here locally. I had also hidden away from the world and my husband, Jordan. He didn’t see me do any of my injections. I closed the door and didn’t let him in. It’s probably one of my biggest regrets. We thought we just had to get to day five embryo status, yet we only got a few eggs, and none of them fertilised.
So, the next cycle, I wanted to do something different, as I knew I didn’t care for myself the way I should have in our previous cycle. I had let my mental health slide, and I didn’t let Jordan get involved, which was hard for him. I googled my condition and found a doctor in Brisbane who specialised in my uterus type. We then travelled to Brisbane, and I had exploratory surgery. My doctor then gave me the all–clear to pursue IVF. This is when Ivy Dayz was born because we were travelling and doing IVF, and I had to start searching for things that would allow me to take my medications with me. Nothing existed.
When we travelled, I put my medications in a 30 can cooler bag with ice packs. I realised there was nothing to support women who needed to take medications with them. I then parked the idea because I hadn’t fully gone through that IVF cycle. Whilst in Brisbane, and because I had locked myself away for the first cycle and didn’t care for my mental health, we almost made a holiday out of it. We went out to dinners, did other activities, and watched the cricket. It was at that cricket game at the Gabba that Ivy Dayz came into clear focus. It was a really hot summer’s day, and I had to take an oversized bag with a huge sharp container and ice pack with all my medications through security. I thought, are they even going to let me in? Very quietly, I said to the male security that I’m going through IVF and need to inject some needles; here’s all my medication. He called over a female security guard and asked her to speak with me. She gave me a wink and said, go on through, and good luck. That day, the ‘On the Go Pouch’ came into my mind whilst injecting myself in the filthy female toilets. I thought there must be a better way for women to have a life during IVF. You should be able to go out and experience the joyful moments during fertility treatments because it’s in the joy that we potentially become less stressed, which can then have positive benefits on our body and our hormones.
As mentioned, the product that you created is the “On the Go Pouch”. Can you talk about the design process and what makes it unique?
For me, the main thing was that it gave women something that was practical and supportive, with anonymity. Because if you want to go on date night, hang out with your girlfriends, or go to the movies and need to inject medication, you don’t want people necessarily seeing all of that. So, I knew that I wanted something that was convenient in a handbag–style design. Then, with all the internal elements, I had to look at what type of medication might need to go in it, along with the size of those medications. There were many prototypes around the internal structures. I already had all my medications here, so I knew certain sizes of things, but there was definitely a design process around what all that looked like and where the medications could be placed.
Essentially, I started off with pen and paper, but I also went into Smiggle to look at children’s pencil cases, as they have little places for pens and pencils along with zips and compartments. Then, as some medications need to be kept cool and others don’t, I knew it had to have an element of insulation. It has the option to use ice packs or not. Testing and getting the insulation correct was quite challenging. Because I wanted to ensure it didn’t get wet on the outside. A lot of the prototypes had condensation as the ice packs were melting, which was no good. I use a temperature logger that tests the temperature every three minutes, allowing me to capture really good data with the bag in different environments. One of the prototypes went to negative five degrees for two or three hours, which would freeze the medication. So, I knew the internal structures had to change.
It really was lots of prototyping. The manufacturer would make a bag with my information, send it to me, I would test it, then adapt from there. We finally got to the bag we have now, which has no condensation, stays cool, and includes a sharps container and injection preparation mat, which were really important features that I wanted to include. I’ve called it the ‘On the Go Pouch’ because I want women to be able to inject and carry their medicine safely on the go.
Lastly, what message or piece of advice would you like to share with women and couples currently beginning or already on their fertility journey?
I think there’s a combination of things. However, I really believe your wellness is so important during fertility treatments. It’s a challenging and difficult journey, and I think there are benefits in trying to find moments of joy amongst it all.
I think counselling is really helpful, together with your partner or on your own. Then, there is communication because I know that I closed my husband out for the first cycle. The whole experience has made us stronger as a couple, but it equally could have gone the other way, and I think that would have all come down to a lack of communication. Another piece of advice I would say is if you’re not feeling comfortable with your clinic, get a second opinion. Then, my last piece of advice is to tell people how they can help you. As you may not realise it at the time, but we often have expectations about how people might treat us or ask us about our journey. But people can get too scared to ask because they feel like it’s a hard conversation or that you might not want to speak about it, and you might not want to speak about it, which is perfectly okay. But I do feel there’s a responsibility on us going through the treatments to let people know how they can best support us. I think most people, especially loved ones around you, want to support you, but they’re unsure. We expect sometimes that they will know how to support us, and then there becomes a disconnect and that can add to what’s already a challenging situation at times.
Then, for women, just really care for yourself, love yourself, and do the best with what you can at that moment. Know you can change your mind if you need to. The decisions you make today aren’t necessarily tomorrow’s decisions. So just be kind to yourself.
I can’t thank Tanya enough for sitting down and chatting with me and giving me permission to start a conversation with someone close to me on their fertility journey, I will be forever grateful. As no doubt, the women, and couples she is helping on their fertility journey are, too. If you would like to find out more about Tanya and Ivy Dayz, go to ivydayz.au, her blog thenakedwife.com.au or simply search Ivy Dayz online.