Reader Question:
“As we head into 2022, I am not feeling my usual excitement for another year. Just because this last horrible one has ended, doesn’t clear the slate. Will there be more pandemic uncertainty? I also feel a lot of grief and anger about the planet. I thought that by my senior years, the world would be getting better. Looking ahead, it feels a bit overwhelming. How do I find the joy for what’s ahead? ”
Dearly Beloved
Generally New Year is my all time favourite time of the year. New Year’s Day has for a long time been for me THE best day of the year. I usually love the ‘clean slate’ feels and am excited to start afresh. I’d set new goals and intentions. I’d feel a surge in my mojo after a summer break and launch into the year with positive anticipation. I’d even start my January 1 with the sunrise and a plunge in the ocean and all would be good again.
But I hear you. What a year! What a few years! The sense of collective weary, grief and anxiety cannot be cleansed by a few days of summer at the beach, some harbour fireworks and the clock ticking over to another year.
The trauma of 2019–20 fires, the 2020–21 pandemic and the many waves of the pandemic with its knock on effects on job security, the economy, mental health and relationships, has flooded our nervous system into chronic fear, anxiety and stress. We have all felt the deep grief and disconnection with separation from loved ones.
And of course, if you care for the planet, how can you not get angry at the ‘circus & politics’ of climate change inaction, when all the while Mother Earth is in peril. The losses and ruin to habitat, eco–systems, wildlife and the natural environment make me weep. It makes me angry. It can cause feelings of overwhelm and helplessness.
It’s impossible to be joyful before we can fully acknowledge the big feelings. While the problems remain, the feelings do also. They are not meant to go away. Our feelings have an important job and that is to help us to direct our behaviour and responses in the most helpful and useful way. The big feelings we are full with from the last years are still inside us and they need to be honoured.
We may indeed need to cry and wail and weep. We may need to shout out into the night sky our rages and shake our bodies with unexpressed anger and at the loss of agency and control.
And then, only then, can you pick yourself up. Once feelings get expressed and acknowledged, they will often gift us their wisdom, and guide us on what to do next. Every feeling also has its opposite, flip side. Joy is very much the travelling companion and heart buddy to grief. How else can you reach the heights of joy without knowing the depths of grief? Out of anger and helplessness, come forth like a king tide, the ideas, actions and convictions that fuel our next plans. Beyond the muddle of overwhelm and stress, if we can bravely walk that dim corridor, the light beckoning us can lead to a clarity and focus.
Trust this dear one. Allow your feelings their rightful place, hold them lovingly and carefully and respectfully and let them tell you their insights. This will for sure galvanise your mojo for another year. I suspect for all of us, with 2022 being an election year, this year will be need to be a one of action and clarity. I know for me, the long time caretaking responsibilities for the well being of myself, my family, my community and my planet will be leading my goals and actions.
Much love,
Sarah x
Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end–of–life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love – at end–of–life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called “Creating a Miracle Marriage” and a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called “Landscapes of Life & Love and Loss”. To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au.