by Alyssa Said, Redwood Wellbeing
Whether it’s staying up too late, playing games instead of helping with housework, or refusing to brush their teeth, kids often go for the choice that’s most appealing at the time (and who can blame them?). So it’s up to us to help them by implementing supportive boundaries throughout their childhood that teach them how to set their own boundaries when they’re old enough.
Food boundaries are no different. Sure, they might not always love hearing “no dessert tonight” or “let’s wait until afternoon tea before grabbing another snack.” But the purpose of these boundaries is not about control – it’s about support. Without these gentle but firm guardrails, kids can grow into adults who struggle with impulsive decisions around food, constantly chasing instant gratification instead of tuning in to what’s right for them.
So, what is a food boundary? A food boundary is simply a guideline or limit, set around eating habits and food choices to create a healthy relationship with food.
It’s important to note that a food boundary doesn’t rely on the cooperation of your child, and it is not a request. For example, asking your child to eat one more bite before they’re allowed to eat dessert is not a boundary, because it is a request that relies on your child to meet your expectation, which may not happen.
Rather, a food boundary might be to say to your child that they don’t have to finish their lunch, but there will be no other food offered until afternoon tea.
Food boundaries are important for children because they teach them to listen to their body’s hunger and fullness cues and make balanced eating choices. When kids grow up with supportive food boundaries, they learn to trust their bodies, make thoughtful decisions about what, when, and how much to eat, and develop a balanced relationship with food. As they become more independent, they’ll have the skills to navigate a world full of choices – from large cafe lunches to social events with an abundance of sweet food, without feeling overwhelmed or out of control.
Tips for boundary setting with food:
- Boundaries should be realistic, suitable, and appropriate for your child’s age and stage of development.
- Consistency is important with boundaries so your child can trust that you mean what you say and there is no confusion about whether you will follow through or not.
- Be specific and communicate the boundary clearly with your child so they understand and don’t need to ask clarifying questions.
- Don’t bring emotions into boundary setting. Stay as neutral as you can. Your child may be irrational and emotionally immature, so they need you to be in control of your emotions when setting boundaries.
- Know your boundaries in advance and plan your boundary scripts so you are more confident in holding the boundary and being consistent with it. It also helps to eliminate any guesswork or uncertainty that will encourage a child to pushback.
Examples of supportive food boundaries:
- ‘I know you would like a snack, but lunch is in one hour and you still have your leftover morning tea if you’d like it. No other food is on offer until lunchtime.’
- ‘There will be no more biscuits on offer. I know you like them, and there will be more in future, but this is your final biscuit for today.’
- ‘You keep leaving the table even though you want to keep eating – the rest of the family are done eating. You have five more minutes before I clear the table and no other food will be available.’
- ‘I’ll keep your party bag in the pantry for you, and you are allowed to access it any time after breakfast, but not before.’
- ‘I know you don’t like carrot, and you don’t have to eat it, but I will be putting some on your plate just for you to get used to having it nearby.’
Your child may not currently see or appreciate your boundary setting practises, but you know that you have their best interests at heart. If they have big emotions about your food boundaries, validate their feelings while still holding firm to the boundary. It’s okay for them to not like what you’ve decided, so show compassion and understanding in their big feelings.
It’s a parent’s role to set supportive boundaries despite their child’s resistance because we guide them with the wisdom of knowing what they need to thrive. By fostering these habits now with helpful boundaries, you’re not just helping them eat well today; you’re setting them up for a future where they can confidently care for their health and enjoy food in a peaceful and balanced way.
Alyssa is a mother of two, a high school PDHPE teacher, and founder of Redwood Wellbeing as a certified body image coach and food relationship counsellor. Alyssa equips parents to support their child’s intuitive eating practice, and helps parents with modelling positive food and body image relationships to their child.