By Alita Blanchard, Holistic Counsellor and Parent Coach
When you hear “self–care,” it’s natural to think, “How can I possibly fit that in?” or to feel it’s just one more task. Yet, the idea that self–care isn’t important or is only accessible to those with extra support can lead to chronic exhaustion and even burnout. Radical self–care is more than bubble baths and breaks; it’s about building resilience to face the daily demands of motherhood. When many of us have nervous systems that are stuck in fight (think yelling, rage, anger, irritation) or flight (think anxiety, fear, racing heart, not setting limits with kids, perfectionism), I like to think of “self care” as “nervous system care” and build it up in the micromoments in everyday parenting and life so that it is sustainable.
What is radical self–care?
Radical self–care means taking responsibility for your own needs first, building a well of physical and emotional resilience before pouring into others. This foundation helps you show up more present for the countless tasks of motherhood, relationships, and community. Micromoments of self–care can transform your patience, empathy, and wellbeing – and model this essential habit for your children.
Why do we need self–care?
- Lower stress and anxiety.
- Improve focus and emotional awareness.
- Strengthen relationships.
- Help children learn the importance of caring for themselves.
Radical self–care practices
- Learn to say no
Many mothers feel they should be available to everyone at all times. Start small by saying “no” when something feels draining. Feel the guilt if it arises, and remember that by protecting your energy, you’re saying “yes” to the things that matter most. - Embrace self–awareness
Pause to check in with your emotions. Practice noticing what comes up – fear, worry, or shame – without judgment. Try conscious breathing, like three long breaths with an extended exhale. Or, jot down your thoughts for three minutes before bed to release some of the pent–up emotions. - Practice self–compassion
We all make mistakes, especially in parenting. Instead of spiralling into guilt, practice self–compassion by placing a hand over your heart and reminding yourself, “I am enough.” Consider using a short Loving Kindness meditation, available on free meditation apps like Insight Timer. - Honour your menstrual cycle
If possible, slow down during your period, taking it as a natural signal to rest. On heavier days, ask for extra support, even if it’s just someone taking over a few tasks. Recognize that cycles are part of life’s rhythms, and honouring them can be grounding. - Open up to a trusted person
Vulnerability is healing. Seek support from a counsellor / therapist if possible, or confide in a friend who listens without judgement. Women’s circles can also be powerful spaces to express and process emotions in a supportive setting. - Play and dance
We often forget that playfulness is a stress reliever. Create a playlist, dance with your kids, or even just shake your body to release tension. Play games, get silly, and release any shame around “acting childish.” - Hot drink ritual
Make a warm drink, hold it in both hands, and sit in silence. Feel the warmth and let it ground you in the present moment. Sometimes, these little pauses are just what you need. (And yes, sometimes, that drink will go cold – surrender to the season you are in). - Daily gratitude and affirmations
Bring gratitude into your life by stating what you’re thankful for or affirming positive qualities in yourself. You could do this in the car with your children, helping them absorb this practice, even if they don’t join in. - Creative outlets
Creativity isn’t about perfection; it’s about expression. Try gardening, painting, baking, or drawing. The point is to connect with a sense of play and exploration. - Offer yourself grace
When you hit your emotional edge, show yourself forgiveness. After a moment of yelling or losing patience, take time to slow down your breathing, focusing on long exhales, then reconnect with your child. Apologise if necessary, and see this as a reminder to care for yourself deeply. If its hard for you to apologise, this makes sense. Some of us never received apologies when we were children and it can feel hard. Some listening time and therapy can help with this.
Small daily rituals to ground yourself – nervous system care
Heart coherence breathing – 1 minute
Imagine breathing from your heart, allowing a sense of love with each inhale and presence with each exhale. This practice stabilises heart rhythms, reducing stress hormones and restoring balance.
Foot massage – 2 minutes
Self–massage can help you reconnect with your body. Gently roll a ball under your feet, focusing on your breath as it travels through your body. This grounding practice can keep you present, calm, and regulated.
Orient to your environment – 1 minute
When anxiety creeps in, tune in to your surroundings. Notice textures, colors, and sounds around you. This practice reminds you that you are safe in the present moment.
Gentle movement throughout the day
Frequent movement, even short stretches or walking, helps release accumulated stress. Sitting for too long can heighten cortisol levels, so integrate movement to naturally discharge stress energy.
Shake it off – 1 minute
After a tense moment, stand with your feet grounded and shake from your knees or bounce lightly. This simple release lets your body process tension and can be done in a quick minute whenever needed.
Self–care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. By taking small, sustainable steps, you can show up as a more regulated, present parent and access moments of glimmers and joy amongst the busyness of everyday parenting – and model to your children the importance of self connection and wellbeing.
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Alita Blanchard, The Aware Mama Based on the NSW Central Coast, Alita is a mother of 4 boys, Holistic Counsellor, Nervous system informed Parent Coach and Emotional Release practitioner. She holds regular mothers circles, online programs and offers 1:1 support for overwhelmed parents. Instagram: @alitablanchard_ | Email hello@theawaremama.com.au www.theawaremama.com.au