By Alita Blanchard, Nervous System–Informed Parent Counsellor
So many of us are doing the best we can to raise kind, resilient, emotionally healthy children – and often in a world that doesn’t value the immense amount of energy this takes whilst also trying to care for ourselves. But the truth is, parenting can feel so hard – especially when your child seems extra sensitive, anxious, or overwhelmed.
Some children carry more stress in their little bodies than others. This can show up as big emotions, constant meltdowns, fears that don’t make sense, trouble sleeping, or even things like aggression and control–seeking behaviour. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
In this article, I want to offer you some insights into why our kids carry stress – and what we can do to help them release it in ways that feel safe, connected, and supportive. This isn’t about fixing our children, but helping them feel more at home in their bodies.
Why do children hold on to stress?
Stress doesn’t just come from the big, obvious things. Many children today are holding onto layers of tension they can’t put words to. This might include:
- Stress in pregnancy (amplified during the COVID years).
- Birth or medical trauma.
- Separation from their primary caregiver.
- Family conflict or a stressful home environment.
- Anxiety, depression or burnout in a parent.
- Overstimulation, too many transitions, or inconsistent routines.
Sometimes it’s not one major thing – but a build up of small stressors over time. And when we, as parents, are also running on empty, that stress gets passed on, even if we don’t mean to.
How stress shows up in children
Kids don’t say, “I feel dysregulated” or “life is too busy and hard” – They show it in their behaviour. You might see:
- Constant anxiety, fears or clinginess.
- Trouble sleeping.
- Chewing, biting nails or repetitive habits.
- Anger or hitting.
- Meltdowns over small things.
- Refusal to follow instructions or high need for control.
These aren’t signs your child is “bad”—they’re signs they’re holding onto something inside that needs space to move.
What helps children release stress?
Here are some simple, everyday ways to help your child release stored stress and tension:
Let the body lead
Children process emotion through movement, not just words.
- Rough and tumble play: Chase games, pillow fights, or wrestling help discharge energy.
- Jumping, bouncing or swinging: Activities that move the body rhythmically help regulate the nervous system.
- Sensory play: Crunchy snacks, chewing gum, or fidget toys offer soothing feedback to the body and help with regulation.
Think of it this way: when a child is aggressive or wild, they don’t need punishment. They need movement and connection to bring their system back into balance. Sometimes, they also need us to show up to offer our body as the boundary, keep others and them safe, contain the situation and ride the storm of their emotions (some of the hardest work of parenting right there – especially if aggression is triggering for you, which it is for many, especially women!)
Emotional expression is healthy
Tears, raging, meltdowns, yelling, and frustration aren’t the problem – what matters is whether your child feels safe enough to express them. Even physical and verbal aggression are developmentally appropriate at certain ages and stages.
- Let them cry without rushing to fix it: Allow the tears. Say “your feelings are safe with me”.
- Acknowledge the feeling: “You’re really upset. That makes sense.”
- Stay close and grounded as their storm passes. You don’t need to have the perfect words. You just need to be a steady presence. Practice practice practice. Repair when it goes pear shaped (and it will!)
Set clear boundaries (firm but kind)
Children feel safe when adults are in charge. That doesn’t mean being harsh—it means being clear.
- “It’s ok to feel angry, but I won’t let you hurt me/others.”
- “I’m here. You can roar, but I’ll protect your body. ” Boundaries help the nervous system feel secure. So does your warmth.
Reconnect often
Kids feel calmer when they feel connected to us.
- After daycare or school, try not to rush them : Offer eye contact, hugs, and gentle presence. Snacks. Slow transitions and frontloading (speak what is happening next). More sensitively wired kids will have meltdowns after big days at school – they are releasing emotional gunk and overwhelm. Learn to stay present for it.
- Create small rituals for reconnection: stories, cuddles, play, shared snacks. Connection fills their cup and gives them a safe place to land.
Look at the bigger picture
Sometimes, your child is reacting to stress that’s not even theirs. Family tension, burnout, or overwhelm in the home can impact them deeply.
- How are you doing? Are you supported?
- Is the household too fast-paced, loud or disconnected?
- Are your child’s caregivers people they feel truly safe with? When we work to reduce background stress, kids settle more easily.
Building resilience, slowly
Helping your child release stress isn’t about pushing them. It’s about creating space for slow, gentle growth.
- Let them face little challenges with your support.
- Encourage independent play: this can take years and is harder for some kids
- Remind them that all feelings are ok, and they aren’t alone. Stress release isn’t about forcing calm—it’s about creating conditions for safety. Children who feel safe, seen, and supported will slowly begin to release what they’ve been holding.
And what about you?
Your nervous system matters too. You’re not a robot. If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, reactive – name it.
- “I’m burnt out.”
- “I feel alone.”
- “I don’t know what to do.” This isn’t failure. It’s a cue that you need co–regulation too. Find a circle. A counsellor. A friend who gets it. You are allowed to need help.
And as you tend to them – please tend to yourself too. If you don’t know where to start, start with reaching out to one safe person and saying “I need some help”. We all need help on this journey and so many are willing to support you, just ask.
For more local parenting support, counselling or 1:1 sessions, visit www.theawaremama.com.au and sign up to Aware Mama news to a free ebook on Radical Self Care tips.
Alita Blanchard, The Aware Mama Based on the NSW Central Coast, Alita is a mother of 4 boys, Holistic Counsellor, Nervous system informed Parent Coach and Emotional Release practitioner. She holds regular mothers circles, online programs and offers 1;1 support for parents.
Instagram: @alitablanchard_ | hello@theawaremama.com.au | www.theawaremama.com.au