By Catherine Schasser
There’s a well-known coaching method called the Be, Do, Have model. In summary, is encourages you to Be the person that will get you to your goals, Do the actions that will get you to your goal and therefore Have your goals achieved. This principle is true for goal attainment, however I believe it’s back to front. As stated in our signature coaching framework EMPOWERED, the goal (or as we call it, the Dream) must come first. If not, how do you know what actions, behaviours and beliefs will create its achievement?
The Have or the Dream can be ANYTHING of importance to you such as a house, career move, weight loss or monetary goal to name a few. But are these goals really what you want and will their achievement gift you what you’re searching for?
Unbeknown to many, the aspirations we have are inspired by our upbringing, social expectations and comparisons. Let me fast forward for you. Consider your goals and what life would be like if you had achieved them. The holiday, the new swimming pool, the clean house or girls night out. If your goal was achieved, what emotions would you feel? List them now. The feelings linked to those emotions are what you’re searching for. They’re the hidden Dream you might not have realise you’ve been chasing all along.
“Create the feeling before the goal”
Now let’s get back on topic. You worry what others think of you, right? Perhaps you’d describe yourself as a people pleaser. Which of these resonate with you?
- You just want people to be happy
- You always strive to go above and beyond
- You’re a perfectionist and like to do things yourself
- It makes you feel good to help others.
Any and all of those reasons are fine! Until they’re not. If you’re noticing these beliefs are starting to take a toll on your mental health, energy, frustration levels, it’s time to review your why.
If you’re worried what other people think of you, you’re not alone. More people than you’d imagine feel the same way. See, thousands of years ago, if we were ostracised from a group, our life would be at risk. We needed a clan, group, or tribe to keep us safe from danger of the elements, lack of food, or attack. We literally needed to belong to other humans or we’d die. In 2021, we still need people, and in drastic situations yes, this could mean life or death. I’m going to assume for your life now however, your worry about what others think is more about connection, doing the right thing and/or meeting societies rules for ‘success’, than being chased by a sabre tooth tiger! Our human brains make us think it is though, so we adapt ourselves to stay safe in our group.
Your childhood, personality and life situations will also impact why you worry what others think, but for now, if you want to stop worrying, lean into the following beliefs (or better still, design your own):
- Everyone is allowed their own perspective & journey, me included.
- It’s safe for me to be me.
- My people love and accept me for me. If they don’t, they’re not my people.
But how do you know what your journey should include, you may ask. That’s when you need to put aside the distractions, the busy-ness and to-do lists, and listen to you. You are your own best road map, with your body and emotions as your guide. Slow enough to see and hear what makes you feel good, and what doesn’t, then follow your bliss.
This is your one treasured life to live as authentically and meaningfully as possible.
Catherine is the co-founder of Developing Dreams, a local company ‘empowering children one adult at a time’. This vision is achieved through the educational curriculum at Developing Dreams Early Learning Centre named 2019 Best Small, Private, Regional Centre in NSW, and through coaching programs written and facilitated by Catherine. Email email@example.com for further information or to find out how you can be EMPOWERED in your life.