By Selina Chapman, Psychologist
Winter is the time of year where, in the past, we would sleep more, cosy up by the fire and slow down. I am curious if sometimes we can feel the conflict between keeping up with our regular duties, chores, and responsibilities when we want to simply slow down and ‘just be’.
Let’s look at what we mean by “rest”. Rest, in simple terms, is a break from the usual busyness of thinking, planning, and doing. Rest is mindful, pleasurable, simple, and whatever fills our cup.
Research shows this concept can comprise the “essence of rest and non–rest”, by Margareta Asp in her article, “Rest: A Health–Related Phenomenon and Concept in Caring Science”.
Margareta writes “the essence of rest is being in harmony in motivation, feeling, and action (and) the essence of non–rest is being in disharmony in motivation, feeling, and action.”
I have heard and felt many times, including from my own inner voice, the guilt that can surround ‘doing nothing’. This raises the conflict we may feel when we are continuing to be productive, complete tasks, and keep doing stuff for the achievement of reaching our goals.
Why can’t our goals include more balance? When we look at illness via a pathological lens, regardless of what we are diagnosed with, they are all a ‘disorder’. We are out of balance in some way.
Great philosophers and thinkers alike discuss the human experience in terms of being lived in, encompassing meaning, quality of life, our biology, spirit, and purpose as a whole. If we only have this one life, this one body and this one passage of time to exist consciously, mindfully, and meaningfully, what can we do to make it sustainable?
Margareta discusses the “rhythm of rest” whereby we move harmoniously between movement and periods of stillness, between conscious awareness and losing time enjoying our environment or activity. This may be walking with friends to get caught up in the beauty of our surroundings, or daydreaming of happy memories when we hear a song playing between dancing and singing (badly in my case).
Mindfulness is an ancient practice, embedded in more modern and effective psychological approaches such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). We know it works well, however why do we still feel this push and urge to ‘do something’ all the time?
Do we need to give ourselves permission to rest and take a break with no strings attached?
Balance and harmony in our lives can prevent burnout, provide health benefits such as reducing anxiety and stress, and bettering our relationships with others and ourselves. It changes our brains neurologically, building and strengthening attachment bonds, ultimately improving our whole selves.
So how do I get more of this good stuff in my life?
If you are interested in working out what you need to do to incorporate more balance in your lives, you may want to try this activity.
Let’s sit comfortably and ground ourselves into the chair and touch the floor. Our arms are relaxed, and hands are open. Legs are uncrossed and lengthened easily. Breathe in calmly to a count of 3, hold for 2 counts and slowly exhale to a count of 4. Keep this easy and calm rhythm of breathing throughout.
We want to curiously notice our body. There are no judgements or narratives, only neutrality. No good or bad, only curiousness. Do you notice any tension in the muscles, stiffness in the neck perhaps, unclench those hands maybe? Breathe in easily and comfortably and breathe out that tension. Easy in, tension out.
Do you notice your heartbeat, or the air in your lungs and nose as we inhale easy in, and exhale tension out? Curiously notice the feel of the air, the sound of the breath. Curiously notice the sounds we may hear and focus on our breath again. Easy in, tension out. Curiously notice that thought that popped into the mind, and let it go, refocus the breath. Easy in, tension out. Nice and calm.
Keep this rhythm until you notice, however slightly, a shift. Do you curiously notice more comfort?
We are ‘doing’ right now, we are resting and regulating our bodies and nervous system, calming down so we may enter “Wise Mind” state, a DBT term for balance between our thoughts and emotions. Wise Mind is a lovely place to be and live and requires balance to enter. Once we are here, we can make the best decisions for ourselves.
It is not for others to decide for us, for with the appropriate strategies, we have the potential to overcome challenges and obstacles in our path for balance and rest. This is our empowered moment to practice and build wholesome meaningful relationships with ourselves.
Selina Chapman is a psychologist at The Heart and Mind Collective in Wyoming, who works with all ages seeking empowerment and support. Selina says, “Seeking support for mental health can be about maintaining wellness as well as having extra help as and when we need it”.