By Alexandra Wilson (AMHSW; CSW; MAASW; BSW Usyd)
The term ‘mindfulness’ has become kind of a buzz word in popular culture. Many people have heard of mindfulness and perhaps even done a bit of practice. However, I hear from many of my clients that they have tried mindfulness and it ‘didn’t work’.
Maybe they found it frustrating because their mind would not ‘be quiet’. I hear from some that they were expecting to feel relaxed, but they didn’t (or they felt more stressed!). For some, they find it boring or struggle to stay awake throughout a practice.
What is consistent however, is that misunderstandings about mindfulness give people unrealistic expectations about the practice. Sometimes the way mindfulness is taught is too simplistic, and omits some skills that are core within the practice.
My favourite definition of mindfulness is – mindfulness is paying attention in the present moment, moment by moment, with awareness and without judgement. (Jon Kabat–Zinn).
In other words, mindfulness is paying attention to whatever is in the present moment, and how this may change moment by moment.
Mindfulness most literally means ‘awareness’. However, mindfulness is way more than that!
‘Two Wings of the Dove’
This is how many experienced mindfulness teachers explain mindfulness it actually has two vital elements.
The first essential element of mindfulness is awareness
If we are not aware of something, we cannot begin to consider how to approach, respond or change it. All change starts with awareness.
When we start practicing mindfulness, we usually practice becoming more aware of our internal and external experiences. This could be using guided mindfulness practices focused on breath, sounds, sensations, thoughts, or any other internal or external experiences.
Practicing awareness is essential in developing mindfulness however it is only the beginning!
What many people start to struggle with as they develop awareness, is they become more aware of things that are uncomfortable for them. For example, they become more aware of painful thoughts, emotions or physical sensations.
I’ve had many clients tell me as they practice mindfulness they actually feel worse! This can be the reason many stop practicing, before they’ve had a chance to expand their practice and feel the benefits.
The second essential element of mindfulness is non–judgement
This is the element that is often left out of brief mindfulness training. Building non–judgement is much harder and takes a lot more practice than building awareness. But it is this part of mindfulness that is truly transformative.
Developing and practicing non–judgement involves noticing and challenging our automatic judgment impulses. As humans, we tend towards judgement very easily. So to practice non–judgement we are pushing against years of habit, it can be tricky!
Practicing non–judgment is like working a muscle, to start with it’s hard and frustrating. We notice how unconditioned we are in this skill. However, with regular training and consistency, we start to notice small changes.
As we practice non–judgment, we start to notice we are seeing the world in less ‘black and white’ terms. We start to see everything is nuanced and complex (how it really is).
We start to see others through a different lens of non–judgment (or at least less judgment!) and then we also start to see ourselves through that same lens. We become more understanding of why we do the things we do, whilst also being aware of how we can and should change.
Many people think non–judgment means accepting everything, or not pushing for change in any way. But this is not correct. When we start to see things as they are, without the limitations of our previous judgements, we can see effective ways forward towards change. Non–judgement and awareness increase the likelihood of change.
How to Practice
Guided mindfulness apps and resources can be a great start but try adding these tips to your next practice.
- Choose an ‘anchor’ in your mindfulness practice to focus on – this is how we build awareness and we use the anchor to notice when we are no longer focused on the present. Common anchors are breath, sounds, or other physical sensations
- Start to focus on your anchor
- Notice when your mind or focus drifts away from your anchor but don’t judge it!
- Choose a non–judgement phrase or a mantra that you can say to yourself when your attention drifts – eg. ‘This is ok’; ‘And now this’; ‘Isn’t that interesting that I am struggling to stay focused’
- Notice what you say to yourself when you are struggling to focus –Are you speaking to yourself negatively? Are you judging your experience? Are you trying to make something happen?
- Practice noticing and bringing non–judgement to your judgment! See if you can tap into a more compassionate internal voice to challenge the judgemental one.
Regular, short mindfulness practices have shown to be more effective than longer, irregular practice. So try to practice a few minutes most days without judging the outcome!
An attitude that’s helpful when practicing mindfulness is a ‘non–striving approach’. This means we let go of trying to make anything happen. We let go of any expected or desired outcomes, and just let it be whatever it will be today.
If you want to take a deep dive into mindfulness practice that incorporates BOTH awareness and non–judgment, a great resource is www.soundstrue.com
Also check out our website at www.mindfulrecovery.com.au for more blogs and videos about how mindfulness can help improve mental health!
Happy practicing!!!!
Mental Health Access Line
(Central Coast): 1800 011 511
Lifeline: 13 14 24
Mindful Recovery Services:
www.mindfulrecovery.com.au or (02) 4660 0100
Alexandra (Alex) Wilson holds a Bachelor of Social Work from the University of Sydney (2003) and is the owner of Mindful Recovery Services. Mindful Recovery Services is a private practice providing psychological treatment and support for adolescents and adults. Alex is passionate about dispelling myths about mental illness,and is highly skilled in dialectical behavioural therapy. She is an experienced public speaker and provides consultation to other professionals on managing difficult behaviours in teens. Alex lives on the NSW Central Coast with her partner, 2 young boys, and a cheeky puppy named Axel.