By Alex Wilson, accredited mental health social worker
Building long–term happiness can feel like it takes forever – but there is good news! There are three skills you can practice today that will significantly improve your mental health and ability to get through tough times.
These skills come from dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) which has been shown to be highly effective in regulating emotions and building long–term emotional resilience.
These skills can be difficult at first, but keep at it – practice makes perfect!
1. Change Your Body Chemistry
When we experience high levels of distress, our body and our brain engage in processes to deal with the perception of threat. You may have heard of the ‘fight/ flight/ freeze‘ response. This is when the body injects large amounts of adrenaline and other stress hormones to get us ready to run or fight off the threat. Unfortunately our brain and body is telling us there is a bear coming at us, but there is usually no actual bear!
When we are in fight/flight/freeze mode the rational part of our brain is switched off and no matter how hard we try, we can’t think clearly in those moments. It’s not that we’re not trying hard enough, it’s just how the brain works.
We can change our body chemistry to settle the fight/flight/freeze response and get our rational brain back online.
Examples of skills that change body chemistry include:
- Plunging your face into cold water.
- Pacing your breathing (inhale 4 secs; exhale 8 secs).
- Tensing and releasing muscles (tense for at least 15 secs).
- Exercise (ideally at least a 7/10 intensity for you, for 20 mins).
2. Challenge Beliefs about Permanency:
When we are in the midst of emotional distress, our brain often tells us we will never feel better. This is a false, but powerful belief that intensifies distress, hopelessness and urges to avoid distress (which end up making it worse).
Ask yourself the following the next time you are distressed:
- Have you ever felt better than you do in this moment? (The answer is yes and therefore history tells us you will feel better again).
- Remember that change is the only constant. Nothing stays the same forever, including emotions.
- Remind yourself of tough times you have previously gotten through (or write them down/ ask a trusted person to remind you.
3. Remember Emotions are Just Feelings:
Emotions can feel incredibly intense and can trigger physical sensations in our bodies that feel uncomfortable, even painful. However, emotions are ‘just’ feelings. They can’t actually cause us harm – they feel uncomfortable until they pass (which they always will – see point 2.
It’s our attempts to get away from emotions that can cause us harm. Behaviours such as drug and alcohol abuse, self harm and isolating are common examples of attempts to get away from distress, but end up making things worse in the long–term.
Remind yourself that:
- Emotions are just feelings that come and go.
- The most emotions can do is make us feel uncomfortable in our bodies for awhile until they pass.
- Acknowledging and validating emotions with compassion is the easier way through distress. Avoidance makes things worse in the long–term.
It’s important to understand that the world teaches us things about emotions and distress that are not particularly helpful or true, creating toxic positivity, which promotes avoidance. It takes time and practice to change our relationship with distress to make it manageable and to build our confidence to manage tough times.
Unpleasant emotions are not only inevitable, they can actually be helpful. Pain, for example, can indicate to us that a change is needed. Fear can be a prompt to protect ourselves or those we care about. Sadness can push us to connect with others to gain support.
Befriending emotions can lead to greater confidence and skill in managing tough times. Keep practicing and don’t give up! If you need help, reach out and find a good dialectical behavioural therapist to help and encourage you.
Alex Wilson is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Director of Mindful Recovery Services and the Central Coast DBT Centre, providing psychological treatment and support for adolescents and adults. Alex is passionate about dispelling myths about mental illness, and is highly skilled in dialectical behavioural therapy. She is an experienced public speaker and provides consultation to other professionals on managing difficult behaviours in teens. Alex lives on the NSW Central Coast with her partner, two young boys, two goats, a bunch of chickens and a cheeky puppy named Axel.