BY DORIAN MODE
This is normally the section of the magazine where I goad yawl into travelling around this gorgeous country of ours. I’ve been penning this column – with Mrs Pictures – for some years now. It’s been fun. However, with the travel ban, I assumed I’d not be writing a column for this issue but here I is.
Some of you may know I have another career outside travel writing: a professional jazz pianist. So with CV affecting the economy, it’s good to have a backup career I can rely on (groan). But it may surprise you to know that I’m upbeat about it all. I believe both travel and live music will bounce back in a big way post CV. Here’s my thinking.
On September 6, 1642, by an act of Parliament, all theatres in England closed. Dour Puritans celebrated wildly in the streets when they put all the actors and musicians out of work at the start of the English Civil War. The parliamentary order cited the current “times of humiliation” and their incompatibility with “public stage-plays”, representative of “lascivious mirth and levity”. In 1660, after the English Restoration returned King Charles II to the throne, the theatrical ban was rescinded. As a result, live theatre flourished. And an unknown playwright called William Shakespeare emerged. I believe the same will happen post CV. You see, when you take something away from people, they want it more. And satire notwithstanding, I even think cruise ships will bounce back.
For instance, did you know our very own Spike Milligan (well his folks emigrated to Woy Woy so we claim him, right?) opposed music being played in the background in shopping centres? Same idea. His feeling was that if you drown people in music they take it for granted. So let’s enjoy the break from travel and live music and really celebrate its return.
Another observation about CV is that with all our technology – putting robots on Mars, cracking the gene code and stem-cell research – I find it extraordinary that the way we control plague in 2020 is exactly way we controlled plague in 583 BC: isolation. “Bring Out Your Dead” was an exclamation used during the time of the Black Plague in the 14th century to let people know that the cart for dead bodies was passing. That and a repository for anyone who voted for Pauline Hanson in the senate. In fact the earliest reference to isolation is from the bible. Leviticus, written in the seventh century, describes separating suspect people to prevent the spread of plague under the Mosaic Law:
“If the shiny spot on the skin is white but does not appear to be more than skin deep and the hair in it has not turned white, the priest is to isolate the affected person for seven days.”
You may recall this text from the recent Ashley Martin advertising campaign.
Anyway, it’s the same observation about antiquity I made when stepping off a cruise-ship gig last year (thank god not now!) and noting that our veritable marine skyscraper was simply tied to the berth with three ropes. The same way they’d have secured say the Mary Rose to a jetty in Tudor England. I found this rather moving (pun intended). Speaking of cruise ships, no one has yet commented on the fact that in the past, ships suspected of plague were compelled to fly the ‘yellow jack’, (see below) to indicate yellow fever or some sort of contagion. Should we not bring this idea back for cruise ships? Perhaps the flag could be incorporated into the new Carnival Cruises logo?
Signal flag “Lima”, called the “Yellow Jack”, which when flown in harbour means the ship is under quarantine
Another positive to emerge from CV is people everywhere walking their dogs in their underwear – sorry gym wear. We walk our dog 7-days a week and have done for yonks. It stops Dougal becoming depressed. Yes, dogs become depressed. However, Dougal still won’t adhere to social distancing rules. He’s all over the hot blonde on the corner (Golden Retriever). And who knew just how many dogs were in our neighbourhood? With gyms closed, these neglected pooches have emerged from their gloomy hides like veritable canine Solzhenitsyns; blinking up at the sun in a bewildered state. Anyway, paws crossed owners keep exercising them post CV.
Have you had the home haircut yet? One of the words/phrases to emerge from 2020 will surely be ‘social distancing’ and ‘flattening the curve’. I find this applies in numerous ways. I do notice a ‘flattening of the curve’ with my home haircut as my wife’s superfluidity of adjectives gradually flatten from “brilliant” snip snip “amazing” snip snip “not bad at all” snip snip to…“ it will grow back, eventually”. I thought it looked okay. That is until my neighbour, Ray (83), said over the back fence “who cut your hair…? The council?”
Have you heard the NRL’s proposal to transform Tangalooma Island Resort into a veritable Rugby League Island? This is to keep the public safe. I’m all for it of course but only if they promise to make it ‘in perpetuity’. In other words, when they do find a vaccine for CV, we tell the NRL, “in the interests of public safety, we’ve decided to keep your players on the island forever”.
Speaking of isolation, NASA recently marked the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 13 Mission – which has become known as “a successful failure” (exactly how I describe my career). With a global sigh of relief, 1970 saw the safe return of its space-jockeys to Mother Earth. But did you know the astronauts had to go in quarantine after being in what is essentially quarantine? (see pic above)
Anyway, I do hope you are handling the CV lockdown okay. For me it’s easy. Being a musician and a writer, over the years I’ve elevated self-isolation into a kind of martial art.
Finally, seniors do you find young people are still crowding you in shops? I note that Peter (pic above) manages to keep fellow shoppers at a safe distance. Indeed, they go out of their way to avoid him.